March 18, 2014

Sweetheart,

I know this wasn't such a good morning. I'd hope it would be but sometimes the not-so-good has a way of sneaking up. And for that I am sorry. I know you're upset and that is the reason for my silence. I am silent not because I don't care or have ceased to be moved by you. I am quiet because I want to give you space but know that I am truly sorry for how the morning turned out. You know that if I could, I'd do eveything in my power to turn it around. 

I can't stand seeing you upset. I can't stand knowing that you're disappointed more so when I know the reasons behind it. It kills me to not have done everything to avoid the morning breaking. Since the day I met you, I've always had the insane urge to take care of you, to protect you and while I haven't been perfect or quite the way you might have hoped I would be -- yes, I've disappointed you -- always  remember that it hits me, too -- the disappointment. 

I want to be a lot of things to you. I want to give you reasons to smile when all you want to do is huff and puff at the world. I want to create a safe place for you, something impenetrable by wordly disappointments. 

You've had your lion's share of disappointments and that has scarred you some, hardened you even. But I see the person you are now and I'm proud that you're strong enough to keep on. You have immeasurable strength, my love, one of the reasons why my heart gravitates toward you so.

I pray the fog lifts this morning. I pray that you won't let this dictate how your day will turn out. I will try to make it better in any way I can, in increments, in bit by loving bit. I hope Vietnam weaves it's magic and that the unfamiliarity of the place will remind you that there is beauty in wonderment. There is beauty in the strange.

I love you. I doubt that I will ever stop even if life or fate or what have you has other plans for us. I doubt we will ever end. At least, I pray that we don't. It all rests on us. We hold responsibility for these hearts. Regardless, I will always be waiting. I am already there, waiting.

Mahal, ang dami ko nang pinagbibigay sa mundo. Kahit ikaw na lang sana maiwan.

All things considered, have a good day! Eat well and don't forget to stop and admire Ho Chi Minh's fine French architecture. Bask yourself in its somewhat otherworldy charms. And I hope that it somehow makes you smile.

I'm sorry. I could have done more.

I love you the longest time,

Tata

19th

Oh, how you make me smile

and how, when you smile back

brings to mind all that is good about the world --- all the endless possibilities, every feather of hope, each unbreakable strand of faith --- mirrored in your eyes akin to the stars that come with a promise: I will never cease to shine.

Happy 19th Month, my love... My one, my only.

Hear this: A prayer, fervently whispered.

Touch this: A heart longing, fiercely wanting to belong to you.

long time coming

i have neglected writing.

i owe you dozens of letters.

and notes, and surprise post-its.

i ceased to write

not because i love you less,

or because i got bored.

it is because i found out that

i would rather hold your hand,

or hug you tight

or cuddle until we both fall asleep.

i am sorry i neglected writing, my love.

i would much rather hold you.

In retrospect: Thanksgiving 2012 P2

And we continue with our Thanksgiving 2012 getaway:

Day 1
Bohol
Island Tour

Woke up bright and early, yet still managed to miss the sunrise. Because it was too cold out and the bed was just (damn!) too enjoyable to part with. Such pussies but no matter, when we finally emerged from hibernation the sun was out so high all signs pointed to what a good day it was going to be.

Good morning from Bohol!
My first words? Can' wait to work on my tan.
My last words? Wala man lang akong sunburn!

You do awkward so well, V!
Of course, everything was a photo opportunity!

After a hefty breakfast, we set out to take a tour of the surrounding islands. We visited Balicasag first, and well, proceeded to arrange for lunch before anything else. Shaking my head, yes. Did I forget to mention our big breakfast at the resort? Didn't think so.

Hello, Balicasag! Don't let the pristine beach fool you, it's rocky out.
Not really conducive for swimming.

A smile for Booey!
Meet the one awesome person to go on awesome adventures with.

 Candids are awesome, those unguarded moments of beauty.

Lunch will be served in a few. Hang in there, hungry birds!

You know how you get into those awkward positions to get a photo?

A few more islands later and I'd lost all semblance of comprehension where their names are concerned. They all looked the same to me: Divine!

Off in search of eternal sunshine.

Motley crew. Big smiles all 'round.

Of course we just had to take one cliche couple shot. Haha!

Homebound. Gloriously spent and happy tired.

The sun setting and nothing but the sound of motors whirring as we left the last piece of land we visited disappearing into the horizon brought on melancholy of sorts, a feeling that something beautiful had come to pass and you're equal parts happy to have experienced it and sad that it was but meteoric.

In retrospect: Thanksgiving 2012

After a brief brouhaha the night before, we were off to the airport en route to Cebu! This is a late post, sure, but better late than never, aye? Aye! So we begin.

Pseudo Day 1
Cebu - Tagbilaran

Plane ride from Manila to Cebu was uneventful. V slept most of the trip while I alternately chatted with Dan and tried writing a poem. Alright, I might have coerced V to co-write a poem with me to no avail. As of writing, this little piece of airline literature is still unfinished but I totally see potential. Will definitely see the light soon!

We went straight from the airport to the port area, where we were to take a ferry that will take us to Tagbilaran. The ferry ride was, well, you know how the steady rocking motion of the boat coupled with the drone of the engine can be actually quite lulling? So I slept most of the time and awakened to the most integral part of the on-board movie, Hachiko, which made me cry buckets. I must have embarrassed the girlfriend some because at one point she ardently whispered, "Can you please stop crying?"

A two-hour shuttle ride took us from the port of Tagbilaran to our resort. A mixture of exhaustion and excitement bubbled inside me at this point. Wish I can say the same for the rest as we were with V's friends who all work the night shift. It was, by then, late afternoon and if I was exhausted after a semi-full night's sleep I can only imagine how they were faring. The resort was quaint and quiet, perfect for relaxing but if your are the type who would want to party, I suggest heading towards the area where the Bohol Beach Club is located. A full dinner and tentative plans with scary storytelling on the side concluded pseudo Day 1.

Stay locked in for Day 1.

Come away with me

Two pathways for one journey,

a start from two to one

and the journey has just begun.

Touchdown, Cebu!

Over at the Chocolate Hills in Bohol.

Happy Pride!
Pride March 2012
Makati City

Not another one!

Not pictured: My heart growing arms and legs, climbing out of my chest, marching its fat little self to the floor and melting into a big puddle of love.

I love you, baby.

T